I think it is easy to treat people with respect and honor, especially if your heart is full of love for others. However, sadly, there are some who struggle loving others. They mistreat them. Not necessarily with physical violence, but their words can cause a lot of pain. This type of pain causes a person to question who they are and if they actually have any worth at all.
Words have power. They can heal or they can destroy. The can lift up or tear others down. People don’t seem to realize how what they say matters. Words truly reveal what is in our hearts.
There is a saying that says actions speak louder than words. I agree that this is true to a point. Yes, your actions and words should match. This is very important in all relationships. However, there may be actions that show love but then deleted because of words that are spoken during or after those actions. A person can buy things for someone or do things to help them physically if they are disabled. However, this can all be turned around by words that tear a person down, making them feel as if they are stupid, garbage, not good enough, and the person sadly begins to question their own worth. In the name of “love,” some may even use “kind” words to control a person.
The scars from these words take a long time to heal. Everyone someone says more negative words; it is like a rubber stamp stamping those negative feelings- tattooing their imprints upon the mind and soul of a person.
It is even hard when you actually get away from the situation and all there is negative from people who don’t or want to try to understand. They don’t know what went on behind closed doors. They only saw what was shared on social media, church, or in public. It is not easy to slap on a happy face when inside you are hurting, but you do to save shame and embarrassment.
The difficult thing is the mind is waiting for something negative to happen. It is like a tape playing over and over again in your head reminding you of the words said about you. Another difficult thing is when the said person still tries to control you when you leave. They are not willing to share their side of the blame and make you feel as if you are delusional. They also make you out to be the only bad person in the situation.
I honestly do not understand how anyone can say they love someone and constantly tear them down. Yes, actions matter, but at the same time, so do words. It’s difficult when a person thinks they possess you. When they think they can control you from a very far distance by playing cards to manipulate you. Sadly, I wish it hadn’t taken so long to figure things out.
On the positive side, I am very thankful for those who knew what was going on and stood by me. I am thankful for their friendship, they are very few in number, but they are very much loved and appreciated. I am also thankful for the love of my life coming to get me out of the situation. People don’t understand why I did what I did, however, because of disabilities, I had to have help somehow or another. I knew I could not live alone, especially in the UK. I also knew that I could not live on my own as I need help dressing, etc. still. I know I am loved and have been shown love like I never have seen before. I am so grateful for this. I want to move forward, and I also want to cut ties with the person who hurt, controlled, and thought he possessed me.
I am able to do more things than I used to do because I have the help to do them. I have been able to go out more often. I have been able to cook because I have help. I have been able to clean some here and there. Yes, I traveled a long way to get away but sometimes you have to do something for yourself.
I love being back home in the United States. I am sleeping much better. I am feeling better emotionally and mentally. I am feeling loved and adored. I am feeling free to be myself. I am on a journey of great healing. I look forward to what the future has in store. God is so good. Amen.