Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:25-26 ESVUK
Surrendering my life to Jesus has not been as easy as I thought. It’s easy to sing and pray the words “All to Jesus I surrender” when things are going well. But guess what. Life hits you, and sometimes it can hit very hard.
I was busy being a minister preparing to move to a new hall. I preached every Sunday, and ran women’s programmes and toddler groups, etc. Severe fatigue kicked in and made things harder and harder to manage. This was just the beginning of a downward spiral to becoming housebound.
My health went from not just being exhausted all the time to having pain as well. Everything hurt. I got angry. I cried. I grieved. I fussed at God about everything. The last thing I wanted to do is surrender everything to him. I thought he had taken away the core of who I really am.
Then as I began to realise this was not going away any time soon, I just gave it all to Jesus. I gave him the pain, fatigue, emotions, everything.
The days are still no easy. I enjoy the few “good” days but I rest assured that God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I have to surrender myself every day to God’s will and way. I also have to surrender my family to him as my illnesses affect them.
God still uses me despite of my many shortcomings. He loves me just as I am. I continue to discover the core of who I am and I will continue to surrender all to Jesus. He is my strength for each and every day.