“Moses said to the LORD, ‘Pardon your servant, LORD, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’” -Exodus 4:10 NIV
I am an insecure person.
Throughout my life insecurities have been a major mart of my makeup. I never thought I was good enough.
At school, I was picked on. I was laughed at and didn’t really have friends until I went to high school.
Insecurities kept me from trying out in sports. Sadly, I was usually picked last for team sports in P.E. Because of this, I guessed I wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t bother trying.
I was scared to put myself forward for anything. I didn’t mind being in the background (I still don’t.). I didn’t want to be seen as I was scared of people laughing at me.
I have continued to be insecure despite learning more and more of who I am in Christ. I struggle with my weight, the medicines I take for fibromyalgia, neuropathy and depression/anxiety, doesn’t help due to weight gain.
I have struggled with loving myself. God continues working with me in this area.
Insecurity has kept me from so much. However, God uses me despite of these insecurities.
Moses was insecure. He was called by God to rescue the Israelites from Egypt. He was to go to speak to Pharaoh and tell him to “Let God’s people go.” Moses didn’t say, “Yes, God, I’ll do anything you want me to. I am okay with myself. I love myself. I can do anything.” Instead, Moses simply said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, LORD, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue” (Exodus 4:10).
God already knew what Moses was going to say and had a plan in mind. He had Aaron, Moses’ brother, to go and speak for Moses. We see that Moses became courageous and spoke to Pharaoh himself (See Exodus 8).
Moses, of course, led the people out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, and later on became their leader in the desert sharing with them everything God told him. Despite his insecurities, God still used him.
I honestly think we all have insecurities. We use those insecurities like a crutch keeping us back from doing what God wants us to do. I could use my illnesses to keep me from being effective for the Kingdom. I could use the words running around my head so often that I am not good enough. However, I decided a long time ago, no matter what I was going to serve my Lord Jesus Christ because I love him.
God has allowed me to write more and share what he lays on my heart. I am able to encourage others despite my limitations. I was able to be a full-time minister in The Salvation Army for 18 years, 14 of those active on the field before illness struck.
What are your insecurities? Are you allowing them to dictate your life and keep you back from what God desires for you?
God can use anyone. He is not looking for perfection. He just wants you because he loves you. Be honest with God. Moses was honest. Why keep anything back from him?
Give your insecurities to God. I have to lay them down at his feet daily. God will and can use you no matter your circumstances. You have to be willing.
Prayer: Father God, I am an insecure person. I struggle with what people think of me. I know I shouldn’t be that concerned, as I should be focused on you and what you say about me. However, I want to be loved, appreciated, and accepted. I give you my insecurities, I lay them down at your feet. I desire to live for you because I love you. Please help me to be the person you desire me to be. I am yours, Lord. Amen.