Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

According to the dictionary, trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

Trust is not something that has come easy for me. For years, because of circumstances, I have struggled with trust. So, trusting God was and still is at times, a challenge.

Trust can be difficult when life is cruel to you. Our natural reaction is put up our guard so no one can get in. Often, I have put up barriers with people to try and protect myself from getting hurt.

These barriers even get put up with God. I remember worrying that I would upset God and be punished for everything I perceived I was doing wrong. Sadly, I thought God was this big guy sitting on a massive cloud, ready to hit me with a club every time I did or said something unholy.

Getting to the point of being able to trust God has taken a while. I have learnt God is good. He is gracious. He loves me. He’s not going to hit me upside the head. He cares about me and my every need. He is with me all the time.

I haven’t arrived at the full trusting point yet. I wonder if any of us do.

God is teaching me about trusting him whilst living with chronic illnesses. He is teaching me to keep my eyes focused on him.

I have found it quite difficult to trust all the time. Especially, when coming out of appointments where the clinician or doctor says, “There is nothing more we can do for you. You have to learn to live within your limitations. We need you to exercise but we know you can’t. We are at the end of what can do.”

Frustrations mount. I feel down and my heart sinks. This is the time I find it difficult trusting God.

I ask “Why?”

I am trying to learn how to ask, “How can you use me despite of?”

God continues to beckon me, “Tanya, do you trust me?”

Most recently my dad passed away. My husband and I had to pay the cost of the funeral home fees and cremation as my brothers did not have the money. We honestly did not know how we were going to pay as our finances have been tight due to me being off work.  We became worried and very stressed as there were other glitches in the situation – whether or not we had to pay for cremation or a burial. A burial was more than triple the price of a cremation.

Needless to say, all this stress did not help my health.

God asked me clearly again, “Do you trust me?” With a bit of hesitancy, I said, “Yes, Lord I trust you.”

God not only provided for the cost, he truly blessed us in return. This taught me and my family the goodness of God. He provides for us. He came through when we hit rock bottom.
God showed me he is trustworthy again. Why do I doubt?

If God literally shows he can take care of my family financially, surely he is to be trusted with the rest of my days. I don’t know what God has planned for me.  I don’t want to miss out because of fear or unbelief. I want to be doing what God says. I want to trust him no matter what happens in life.

I want to trust God and not lean on my own understanding.  I want him to use me despite of and in living with illness. His ways are higher than mine. The next time God asks me if I trust him, I pray I will not be hesitant. I pray I will be quick to say, “Yes!”

What about you? Do you struggle to trust God? The one prayer I pray often when I struggle with trust is, “Lord, I believe but help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:25)

May we all be drawn closer to God through trust.

I close with this poem that sums up everything….

Still, I Trust You © TRD

I may not always feel Your presence

I don’t usually understand

I struggle with doubt

But no matter what, I still choose to trust You.

 

Some days I feel alone

The darkness seems to be closing in.

Frustrations rise, questions go unanswered,

But no matter what, I still choose to trust You.

 

No one said it would be easy…

Being a Christian.

But why the padded answers,

So many try to give?

No matter what, Lord, I still trust You.

 

I remember the words that I have hidden in my heart

I sing familiar songs

But nothing compares to Your presence.

Please stay here with me,

Carry me through,

I cannot keep on going,

If I don’t have You.

Lord, I choose to trust You.

 

I will praise You despite how I feel,

I will trust Your way is best.

I will not forget

All You have done for me.

You promised You will never

Leave nor forsake me.

However, when those doubts arise,

Please help my unbelief,

Help me to always trust You.

 

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