Let go and let God!

Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  –Matthew 11:28-30

God is saying to you and me today to “Lay down our burdens.  We’re carrying burdens that we don’t need to bear.  Give them to Him for He cares for us.”  When we do give them up, we will experience great freedom within our relationship with Him.

Jesus tells us to come to Him when we are weary and tired.  He realises that we are prone to carry heavy loads and that we tend to try to do things in our own strength.  However, He promises us that if we give Him our burdens and cares, He will give us rest and a load that is much easier to carry.  Sometimes we carry around burdens that really do matter.  However, most of the time, we carry extra and unnecessary baggage around.  David talks about his guilt weighing him down and being overwhelming (see Psalm 38:4).

2 Corinthians 5:4 says: “While we live in this body, we have burdens and we groan.”  We do not want to be naked, but we want to be clothed with our heavenly home.  Then this body that dies will be fully covered with life.  – It is human nature to groan about our burdens.  We know that there is a better life beyond this.  Whilst we are here on earth, we are not exempt from burdens.  It’s because we desire to be clothed with life.

Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:7- “Give all your worries to Him, because He cares about us.”  God has a plan for us, a great race for us to run.  We will go places where we never thought that we would and we will serve in many ways that we could have never dreamed.  However, burdens hinder us from fulfilling what the Bible describes as our responsibility to care for others.  God desires for us to show mercy, kindness, and gentleness to others.  Help the weak, comfort others as we have been comforted, care for the interests of others and help with other’s troubles.

If we want to be truly free, we must give our everything to God.  Give Him our burdens and cares.  Allow Him to give us His load which is far lighter than ours.  For the sake of our God we serve, let it go.  For the sake of those we love, let it go.  For the sake of our own joy and the joy of others, let it go.  God is saying to us, “Lay it all down, children, let it go and I’ll carry the heavy load.”

Deuteronomy 33:12 says “The Lord’s loved ones will lie down in safety, because He protects them all day long.  The ones He loves rest with Him.” Notice what God tells His children here; we can lie down in safety, God protects us whilst resting in Him, and the ones God loves rest with Him.

Sometimes we find this very difficult to do, because we are so used to carrying our own burdens.  But Jesus says in John chapter 8, “Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed!”  If He promises us that we will be free in Him if we give our burdens to Him, would we not want to live in that freedom?  What are some things that may be hindering that freedom within our lives?  May it be stubbornness, pride, or even fear?  It’s not easy to let go and let God take complete control of everything.  It’s like a prisoner that is held in ball in chain, being set free, but not willing to take off the chains.  What chains are holding us back to being all that God desires us to be?

God wants us to let go of the old man.  Let go of worldly desires, such as uncleanness, passion for worldly things, evil desire, covetousness, malice, blasphemy, filthy language, and lying. Let go of the guilt from the past.  Let go of the troubles that wear us down.  Then God says to us, put on the new man, clothes of righteousness, etc.  When we put on the things that God desires us to wear, to carry, etc. we will have the peace of God rule within our own hearts.  People will see the difference within us and will be drawn to God through us.

The only way that we can put on godly attributes is to let go of the worldly and ungodly ones.  Laying down our heavy weights of the world at the foot of the cross and allowing Jesus to carry them.  When we do this, we will experience a great freedom in Christ.  Paul tells us in Galatians 5:13, “My brothers and sisters, God called you to be free, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do what pleases your sinful self.  Serve each other with love.”

Mary, like the rest, stood amazed at the appearance of Jesus in the room.  She had been weeping since Friday, when news of His capture and trial had reached her.  Her heart had been pierced at the sight of Him, beaten almost beyond recognition.  But a mother always knows her son.  She had longed to run to His side, to clean the blood from His face, and sooth His tattered back.  She had wanted to stand between Him and the Roman soldiers, protect Him from His persecutioners.  When the nails had pierced his hands, she’d turned her eyes from the scene, but she’d stand her ground.  She would not abandon this precious son, her gift from God.  And thought it had broken her heart, she’d stayed nearby until he was gone.  She had seen Him dead.  And yet here He was, alive!  And in his resurrection, she found freedom.  She was free from the approval of the temple leaders, free from all her little motherly worries about him, free from the tensions and sibling rivalries within her family, and free from the sorrow that had pierced her heart like a sword.

We too can all have this same freedom.  If we are living in Christ, living in His power, putting on the clothes of righteousness, and letting go of all the burdens and weighty burdens we carry, we can experience freedom as Mary did: freedom from approval of the world and freedom from the heaviness that comes with carrying everything on our own.

Jesus invites us to drop all the baggage at the foot of the cross that we are carrying in this life.  He doesn’t want us to keep trying to carry these burdens alone.  If our hands are so full carrying this heavy load, we are not able to reach out to others in need.  Worrying about life and all its troubles, not letting go and letting God will interfere with our ability to help others with their troubles.  And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free….Therefore if the Son makes you free, you are shall be free indeed!

Lay it all down, children, let it go and I_ll carry the heavy load


The Double-Edged Sword

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. -Hebrews 4:12 NIV

I had a vision of a beautiful sword which was stuck in the ground. The area around the sword was full of leaves and darkness.

I carried a much smaller sword, more like a dagger. I heard God say to me to pick up the large sword in the ground. Tried as I may, I could not.

I cried out in anguish and asked why I could not. The Lord gently said, “You can’t pick the sword up in your own power. You need the Holy Spirit’s power and the Word of God inside you.”

So, I prayed and asked for the power of the Spirit to fill me and give me the strength to pick up the sword.

I then, in the power of the Spirit, lifted the sword out of the ground. It was stunning with beautiful gems encased on the handles. There were delicate inscriptions down the length of the sword.

The Lord clearly told me to be ready. This was the sword of the Spirit and I was to use it in battle. He told me I needed to hide the Words he says in my heart. He told me the sword was very powerful.

I read that the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword. I heard the Spirit speak to my heart to pray the word of God over myself, family, the church, world events, etc. The word of God is powerful and can penetrate the heart of man. The power of the Holy Spirit makes the word come alive. The only way to carry the sword is through the power of the Holy Spirit and hiding God’s word in my heart. Otherwise, it is too heavy and burdensome.


The Amplified version of Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energising, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature]. Exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

The word of God is simply the word God speaks. Anything that God says penetrates the heart. Have you ever listened to a sermon and felt like someone saw the real you or stepped on your toes? It wasn’t the minister who did this, it was the Word of God.

Whenever the Word of God is spoken power is released. God spoke the world into being by his Word.  God’s word does not return void but accomplishes what it sets out to do (see Isaiah 55:11). God’s word endures forever (Isaiah 40:8). Christ will return with a sharp, doubled edged sword (the word) coming out of his mouth (Revelation 1:16). He will strike down the nations and rule them from the sharp sword (the word) coming out of his mouth (Revelation 19:15).

Jesus is the very Word of God (John 1:1; Revelation 19:13). When we are born again, the word changes us and fills us with his Spirit (John 3:34; 1 Peter 1:23; 1 Thessalonians 2:13). The word is used in battle against Satan and his demons (Ephesians 6:17; 2 Corinthians 10:4). And by his word, Jesus will war against them when he returns (Revelation 2:16).

Because of the power his word has, I believe we need to pray his word. Lysa Terkeurst says, “When we pray the Word of God, we pray the Will of God.” She also says in her devotional book, Embraced, “When God’s Word gets inside us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs, and our desires. Our soul was tailormade to be filled with God and His truth; therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills us completely.”

God’s word has the power, through the Holy Spirit, to change lives and situations. His word reaches down into the deepest part of us, the marrow inside of our bones! It reveals the true intentions of not just our actions but our thoughts. His word sends the enemy fleeing! This is the reason we need to always have the Sword of the Spirit (the word of God) as part of our daily armour (Ephesians 6:17).

Don’t just read the word or study it. Memorise the word. Write it down. After having this vision, I was really convicted about praying the word over everything. I struggle with memorising due to brain fog with illness, however, I have a notebook in which I write scriptures in to pray. I have different colours for them. I have one colour for praise, another for confession, and another for every day prayers. Whatever is the most helpful to you is good. Just do it.

Praying the word releases God’s power into ourselves, our family, our situations, everything we pray for. His word is powerful. Don’t go without it!

Prayer: God, your word is power. It penetrates deep into my soul and spirit. Your word sees everything about me, my intentions, my thoughts, my actions. Your word changes me. Sometimes it steps on my feet and I don’t like it. However, I know the words are from you and I need to hear what you are saying. Help me to pray your word each day. Help me to memorise and learn it. Help me to live it in my daily life. Thank you, Jesus, for being the Word of God. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for empowering me and making the word come to life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.


Five Minute Word- Rain


As I try to rest, all I can hear is the drip, drip, drip tapping at the window. Autumn rain slowly coming down as the wind whirls around. The air is crisp and cool. I pull a cardigan close around me to try to stay warm.

I love the sound of rain. It is very soothing and calming. I also love the smell. I learnt a few months ago why we humans love the smell of rain. There is some sort of chemical that is released when the rain first hits the ground. Animals cannot smell it as much as we do. People have tried to bottle it up, but they can never get the chemical smell of rain.

I pray for the rain of the Holy Spirit to come down upon me. I am not completely sure of why we call it rain; however, I do know I want him to overflow in my heart and soul. I want him to pour out his Spirit in a mighty way within my heart. I don’t want a trickle like a small shower. I want him to pour down rain like a monsoon. I want to be so overflowing with God’s Spirit it pours out onto other people. I want them to see Christ in me.

I pray that somehow, God will bring that rain. Rain of revival, restoration, and renewal within my soul. I want to be able to hear his word and share it to whomever I can.

Holy Spirit rain on me. Amen.


A Pattern for Prayer based on Luke 11:1-10

One of the disciples asked Jesus to teach him and the rest of the disciples how to pray as John the Baptist taught his followers to pray. Jesus was a great example of someone who truly knew how to pray. Prayer was as important as breathing to Jesus.
The first part of what we know as the Lord’s prayer opens focusing on God our Father. The opening of the prayer was not unusual for Jews. This opening was used in most of the Jewish prayers. However, Jesus was teaching more than just opening a prayer with a few simple words. He wanted the disciples to understand about the relationship we have with God our Father. This is a conversation of intimacy, love, and trust. It is also acknowledging that God is indeed Lord of all. His name is holy, righteous, worthy of praise.
When we pray Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, we are humbling ourselves before our God. God’s kingdom is already here within our hearts. When we pray this as it is meant to be prayed, we are seeking to do His will in His way. We want God and His kingdom first in our lives and on earth.
When we ask for daily bread, this is God’s Word, His manna for our souls. We cannot follow Jesus without partaking of His Word, His flesh. Jesus’ mission on earth was to follow God and His will. He wanted the disciples to understand they could do nothing without the power of God and that daily time with Him. In order to grow in our relationship with Christ, we have to spend time with him.
Jesus then goes on to teaching about forgiveness. Forgiveness is pivotal to our relationship with God. He desires us to forgive others, so we may be forgiven. Unforgiveness hinders us from moving forward and growing God’s kingdom. Jesus forgave us from our sins, the least we can do is forgive others. It is so easy to hold on to grudges, yet those grudges can turn into bitterness and then hatred if we are not careful. If we are harbouring unforgiveness towards someone, we cannot expect Christ to forgive us.
When we ask God to lead us not into temptation we are not suggesting God is going to take away all that may tempt or try us. In fact, those very things are allowed so we can grow in our relationship with Him. God desires to deliver us from evil. God will not remove all the evil around us, but He will protect us as parents protect their young. At the end of the prayer, Jesus once again recognises that everything belongs to God and is under God’s control.
The disciples were used to praying set prayers such as Christians have come accustomed to praying the Lord’s prayer. Most of what they learnt in the Lord’s prayer is what they already knew, because they prayed these prayers so many times during the day and the Sabbath. There is no magic in these words. Jesus wanted the disciples and us to understand that prayer is about a relationship with God our Father. He wants us to understand that His name is to be high and lifted up and most importantly we are to seek God’s will not our own.
We are to be persistent in our prayers. Jews were used to this idea- for example, Daniel. Set prayers were a vital part of a Jew’s life. Jesus doesn’t want to us to be religious in our prayers. Instead, He wants us to be honest, sincere, and open with God our Father. He desires us to have a contrite spirit and brokenness before Him. He desires us to be humble and come to Him in worship. When we come to God in this type of attitude and worship, we will move His heart. And the good news is when we don’t have the words to say and we struggle to share what we are really feeling, Paul tells us in Romans, that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf in groans and words that we cannot every express.
Jesus goes on to tell a parable after teaching about how to pray. Although the man in this story did not want to answer the door because he was very tired, he did so because the friend kept knocking. In the tradition of that day, to not answer the door and meet the need of the friend or neighbour, would bring shame to the man’s family and home. He had to spare his name, therefore, he answered the door and met the friend’s need. Jesus was teaching us that God is always listening, He is always there with the door opened wide to listen to our needs. Even though the man was tired and did not want to open the door to his friend, he still did so and still met the need. The friend’s persistence paid off and he got what he needed. Jesus is teaching us not to give up in our prayers. We need to keep seeking God’s will, and keep asking Him to answer our prayers. The hardest thing at times is to wait and be patient.
The friend had boldness to go to his mate’s house and ask for what he needed. So often we tend to not come to God in persistence due to our pride. We think we can do it on our own, because we may not get an answer right away, we tend to think well, God’s not listening anyways, so I may as well do what I want. Fear also keeps us from seeking God for His desire. What if it’s not what I want to do, what if it is out of my comfort zone? Fear keeps us from doing so many wonderful things for the kingdom of God.
We have to be careful though when we are persistent in our prayers that we don’t do out of selfish motives. We must seek the will of God. There are times however, that we need to be active in the answer to our prayers. We know what is God’s will and yet, we expect God to just give us what we want here and now without obedience and doing what God is calling us to do. This is being selfish and almost like a toddler who has tantrums to get their own way.
The Lord’s prayer is a simple way of remembering how to pray. However, Jesus’ main point that He wants us to understand is that we are to see God as our Abba, Father. He is our friend, someone we can trust. We are to come to Him in humble worship seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness. If we put God first in our prayers in reverent fear, then we can pour out our hearts to Him on behalf of others and ourselves. We must have a forgiving spirit, because unforgivenness and bitterness causes us to stumble and not grow. Jesus does not want us to be stuck in a rut, constantly praying the exact same prayer all the time. The Lord’s prayer is not a magical prayer, a rabbit’s foot, a lucky charm. It is an example from many prayers that the disciples would have understood. We are to be persistent in seeking God’s will and not our own agenda. We are to put God first and foremost.
The good news is that when we do pray in this manner, with a humble heart, seeking God’s will, we will move the heart of God. Jesus and the Holy Spirit intercede on our behalf, and we will see mighty things happen! Prayers will be answered and lives will be changed, including our own. Praise be to God!


Trust is the word that has come up often in my readings today. Trust is something I am not very good at most of the time, mainly trusting people.

However, I know I need to trust God in all things despite what is going on around me. The devil plays with my mind with worrisome thoughts. Especially with the “what ifs?” or “what about?” questions and scenarios. Have you ever been there?

I know there are many verses in the Bible about trust. I am good at finding and quoting them. However, what needs to happen is to have the knowledge of the verses go from my head to the realisation of truth in my heart.

I think we all struggle with this problem. We know the truth. Jesus says we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:32). Knowing the truth and standing firm with no fear because it is ingrained in our hearts is another thing. Oh, how I long for His truth to penetrate my heart when it comes to trust.

God has never failed me yet. He has always come through for me. He answers prayers. God does not let me down. So why is it that trust is such a difficult thing for me and for you?

I think it’s because we are trusting in someone we cannot physically see. Hebrews 11:1 says this is what faith is: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Also, when someone hurts us, trust can be a difficult thing, and we tend to place that distrust for others onto God. Sometimes, God doesn’t do what we want him to do and we blame him for the circumstances we are in. He doesn’t heal us or a loved one we have been praying for. He doesn’t provide the money we want. He doesn’t give us the friend or spouse we wanted. He doesn’t open our wombs so we can conceive. He doesn’t give us everything we want or desire.

What I have learnt through the years is God gives us what is best. He knows our hearts. He knows our desires. God wants us to trust him knowing that he will fulfil his will for our lives.  It’s not our will, but his will.

Trusting is not manipulating God. We cannot tell God what to do and get upset when he doesn’t. God is not Santa Claus or a genie which we can ask him to do anything and everything for us.

Allowing trust to not just be a matter of the head but allowing our hearts to believe, to have confidence and assurance about what we do not see, is to allow God to be God and realise we are not. God wants to have full control of our lives. He wants us to surrender our “what ifs?” and “what abouts?”. He wants us to stand firm on his word to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV).

The enemy attacks our minds and he gets us so wrapped up in what could be. However, if we allow our hearts to trust God, not just our minds, then we will be able to stand firm on God’s Word. We can trust and know God will do what he says he will do. God is who he says he is.

I am choosing from this day forward to trust God with my heart, not just my mind. Nahum 1:7 says, “The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.”


God says to us what he said to the Israelites in captivity, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

David says, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:3-4).

I declare with the psalmist, “Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul” (Psalm 143:8).

Trusting God may not be easy, but I know it is worth it.  I close with a poem I have shared before, but it says what my heart (not my mind) says to God. God bless you all…


Still, I Trust You ©

I may not always feel Your presence

I don’t usually understand

I struggle with doubt

But no matter what, I still choose to trust You.

Some days I feel alone

The darkness seems to be closing in.

Frustrations rise, questions go unanswered,

But no matter what, I still choose to trust You.

No one said it would be easy…

Being a Christian.

But why the padded answers,

So many try to give?

No matter what, Lord, I still trust You.

I remember the words that I have hidden in my heart

I sing familiar songs

But nothing compares to Your presence.

Please stay here with me,

Carry me through,

I cannot keep on going,

If I don’t have You.

Lord, I choose to trust You.

I will praise You despite how I feel,

I will trust Your way is best.

I will not forget

All You have done for me.

You promised You will never

Leave nor forsake me.

However, when those doubts arise,

Please help my unbelief,

Help me to always trust You.


God wants us to trust him knowing that he will fulfil his will for our lives. It_s not our will, but his will.1


Wonderfully and Marvellously Made!

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139:13-16 ESVUK


Everyone on this earth was formed and fashioned within the womb by God’s hands. He created each of us in His image. It doesn’t matter what race, religion, or culture we come from, we were all created by God. He gave us the choice to live for Him or turn away. Sometimes we don’t think this way. We look at others with contempt and with hatred. But God loves each person as His own because He knitted each of us within our mother’s womb.


We are valued, loved, special and wonderful. If we can but see other people as God sees them, what a difference it would make in this world! People have lost their hope because they don’t feel loved or valued. When asked, most people would say that they are not worth anything. They are searching for meaning, hope, peace.


God sent hope and peace through His Son Jesus Christ. He was formed in fashioned in the womb as well with God’s hand upon Him. He was knitted the same way we were within the womb. His days were recorded in God’s book just like ours are. I am amazed at the fact that Jesus came to earth this way. Yes, the angels sang the night that Jesus was born. But you know what, I believe angels sang the day we were born as well.


It grieves my heart knowing how many people don’t see how valuable they are to God. It grieves me to see how badly humans treat each other and their own selves. If only we would see each other as we truly are, wonderfully and marvellously made, what a difference I think it would make. If only we can see Christ as our hope, our joy, our peace.


But you say, I was not wanted as a child, praise the Lord you were born and not aborted. You say, I have been rejected all my life and no one wants me. Jesus loves you, and there are people around you right now that love you. You say I have done so many wrong things, God could never love me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. He is there with open arms to welcome and accept you. You say you don’t understand.


Let me tell you, I know from experience the pain of rejection, the pain of not being wanted! But I also have experienced the healing love of Christ in my life and I know without a shadow of a doubt that He is with me and has always been. I know that He was there the day I was born rejoicing. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I marvel at that!


I praise the Lord for this and I pray that others would realise how precious they are to God. I also pray that we would love others the same way, no matter what they look like, no matter what they believe. Let us love them, let us see them as God sees them and instead of bashing them, let us lift them up in prayer. I pray that we would encourage each other and accept each other in love. Until we do, people will still be lost without hope. Let them see in us Christ who was fearfully and wonderfully made just like you and me.

If only we would see each other as we truly are_ wonderfully and marvellously made in the image of God,maybe, just maybe, love would reignand people will

Personal Thoughts…

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days I was fit and healthy. I would have been able to spend time with my children, maybe go abroad for a holiday, and been a better part of their lives. Sadly, they are almost finished with high school and sixth form and will be on their way to university and the life ahead of them. In a few more years, we will be empty nesters.

Today is one of those days. Sitting here alone whilst Mark, Josiah, and Joel are helping with Kids Alive at our church, the quietness is still, painfully still. Usually, I enjoy quietness. I am an introvert by nature, so I enjoy time by myself without all the background noise. For now, all I hear is the white noise of a fan.

As I sit here, I wish I was able to help with the kids. I loved working with children and running children’s programmes. I enjoyed helping the vulnerable and those who most other people would not bother with. I enjoyed teaching the Word.

I find it unfair at times. Yes, I have questioned God many times as to why all these things were taken away from me. I have learnt a lot since being ill. I have learnt who my real friends are, they are not many, but I am grateful for them. I have seen the kindness of strangers who are willing to hold open doors so my wheelchair can get through. I have seen my youngest become an advocate in his own way for disabled people.

I would love to have days where I am not in pain or completely drained with fatigue. So far, there haven’t been any such days. The recent heat wave has not helped.

I read several devotions each day and people’s blogs as well. I love to read. One of the devotionals was about suffering and how Jesus suffered not only in his death but in the 40 days in the desert (thank you Rebecca Brand).

No one enjoys suffering. We try to run from it. We try to cover it up and put on a happy face and keep moving forward. However, I have found I need to face the suffering head-on.

I never know what kind of day I am going to have until I get up and start moving in the new day. I just try to make the most of it when I start after breakfast. Usually, my morning consists of prayer, devotions, and posting on Facebook. When I get up early, 6.30 a.m. for example, I have a short nap to refuel myself for a few more hours.

I desire to use this time of what seems like suffering (if someone tells me constant pain and fatigue and loss of mobility isn’t suffering, they obviously never have experienced it) for God’s glory. Jesus did in the wilderness for 40 days. The wilderness in Israel isn’t just desert; there are many rocks, briars, steep embankments, caves, etc. He spent that time hungry, hot, thirsty, with God. I am sure he was tired, he may have had sores on his feet from walking on the hot paths, and feeling dehydrated. It was at the end of this time the sneaky devil tempted him.

When I am the most tired and in a lot of pain, the enemy comes in like a roaring lion attacking me. He mainly attacks my mind and tells me I am not good enough. I am useless. No one cares. No one wants to bother with me. I am a nuisance. No one wants to know what is going on with me. These lies run around my head, swirling, trying to burrow its way into my soul. Most of the time I can take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. But, there are days, I repeat those lies to myself.

I know the words are not true. I say to everyone on Facebook encouraging words. I am good at encouraging others, but horrible at encouraging myself. I am so glad Jesus understands me. I am glad he knows what suffering is like. He knows my pain. I can lean on him in the midst of all the struggles I go through.

So, as I am sitting here in the quiet, I am reminding myself I still have a purpose.. I am able to spend time writing. I am able to pray for people and have the time to do so. I am able to write notes in handmade cards to people. I am able to share on Facebook. God is still using me despite of my limitations.

I still hate not being able to go out whenever I’d like or go longer distances so we can enjoy a holiday together. I still get frustrated when my legs won’t cooperate with me and causes me pain.  I do wish I could be healthy again so I didn’t have to take so many tablets every day and could lose weight. I wish I could be an author one day where people can say, I relate to her and be encouraged that God is with them as well.

I just keep waiting. Waiting in the wilderness of suffering. Waiting for the lies to stop swirling in my head, especially in the quiet moments and in my sleep. And I keep waiting for healing. God’s timing is perfect. I trust him with my life. He has never failed me, despite how much I have failed him. God is so good.

Jesus quoted scripture to defeat Satan. I continue to hide God’s Word in my heart and when these negative lies attack me, I try to remember to hit each one of them with God’s Word. Jesus endured the greatest suffering known to man. With his strength, I can too. No matter what comes my way, I want to be more like Jesus. I want to be an example to others. I don’t want this suffering to be in vain. I want God to use me no matter what I am going through.